Pranks: an approach to reality cracking
"A prank should have a resonance and a ring to it. It should speak of the higher aspirations of human activity"

by Rhiddler

(20 March 1997)
Reality cracking tricks

---

Courtesy of fravia's page of reverse engineering

Fravia+,



I think the essay would fit quite nicely in the tricks section of your

reality cracking page.



I consider the pranks as warming up exercises for budding reality

crackers. You recently added an essay to your page that emphasised the

importance of thinking like a cracker. I am merely trying to promote

thinking like a reality cracker.



Beyond pranks as simple opportunities for revenge is pranks as fuel for

confronting reality, or preparing to confront reality.



Very few people stop to think why they do things every day of their

lives. Why do you buy shampoo (or feel the need to)? Why do you drive a

car? Why is watching TV the most popular recreational activity in your

country? Why do you buy CDs? Why do you buy platform heels? These things

seem so natural and ordinary to the people that do them. A recent survey

in my country found that less than two percent of people now make their

evening meals using unprocessed foods! The companies that process and

manufacture these foods have made themselves into an important part of

the food chain! They have created justification for their own existance.

I believe that commiting or contemplating pranks is like the buddhist

philosophy of contemplating incongruous or ridiculous things to arrive

at a greater enlightenment. This enlightenment is so much more important

in these days, as we have more and more freedom to question reality, so

too does reality become more and more of a smothering blanket of human

activity.



Mark Pauline, the founder of Survival Research Laboratories, said:

"A prank should have a resonance and a ring to it. It should speak of

the higher aspirations of human activity. It should go far beyond the

limitations one would expect it to have. That's what pranks are all

about: the unexpected - the element of surprise transposed onto some

kind of poignant act that ultimately is a violence against the society.

Just like "literature" means violence against commonplace language, and

represents an organised attack against complacency of thought and

conversation.



"Pranks are a constructed, fabricated attack against the framework of

the society. They're like a bursting-out. Society paints us all into a

corner and the whole point of pranks is to open the trap door and

escape! That's how I see a good prank."



Andrea Juno, publisher/editor of Pranks, said:

"A good prank is a social comment. One has to have a good analysis of

the society: who has power and who doesn't ... the fact that the basic

tenets of our society are intrinsically stupidifying, inane and evil. A

good prank pokes fun and is illuminating, whereas a bad prank supports

the society and is a conservative action enhancing existing power

relationships, conventionality and all that one is rebelling against. A

good prank raises life up to what art should be: a critique of society,

and a glimpse into a better, more poetic future!"



You can see the relationship between pranks and cracking. Frankly, I get

the same buzz out of reversing a difficult protection scheme as out of

pulling off a great prank.



We can take a page from the books of experienced 'lucid dreamers' here.

They advise that if you wish to become a lucid dreamer, there are some

things you must do to prepare. In our dreams we behave much as we do

during our waking life. When we are awake, we never consider how strange

our world is, so in our dreams we do not either. They suggest that if

anything odd or unusual happens during your day you do not dismiss it,

but rather think deliberately to yourself: "Am I awake or am I

dreaming?" If you can create this habit when you are awake, you will

also have it when you are asleep, and as you dream you will first

question and eventually control your dreams. I would like to think that

if you ask this question enough, you might just have a chance of

controlling your reality as well!!



rhiddler

rhiddler@mindless.com

Reality Cracking: Pranks



NB: Some of the activities described herein are illegal in some

countries, but many are quite legal, if subversive, things to do.

However, please exercise your judgement in these issues. As stated many

times in this area, knowing is often better than doing. The purpose of

this information is to broaden your knowledge of the sorts of things

that are possible.



Customer Service

Most consumers are blissfully unaware of their rights as consumers as

guaranteed under their local laws and the additional rights that large

organisations grant to consumers to avoid damage control situations.

Large companies have long ago discovered that:

a) An unsatisfied customer will tell an average of 20 others about the

bad service they got from a company but a fully satisfied customer will

tell an average of only 3. It is very uninteresting to hear from someone

how they bought something with no problem and when they got home the

thing worked fine just like they expected. However, if a sales person is

rude or drunk or stoned or the product does not work and the customer

canít replace it without trouble, then watch out. So rule number one for

large (service oriented) organisations is that the customer must leave

the bottom level of salespeople happy or they must be referred to a

higher level for that person to make them happy.

b) It is over ten times more expensive (in marketing and promotion) to

attract a new customer than it is to keep an existing customer.



Therefore, a large retail organisation must try first to keep the

customers it has already got, and then to keep them happy as possible.



What does this mean to you? Well, these organisations must create

ëcustomer serviceí codes and ethics and train their staff in these.

Usually, in your town, there will be at least one and probably more

retailers that have one or more of these policies.



ìWe Return Anythingî policy. Large ëuser friendlyí department stores

with flagging profits often have a returns policy that allows you to

return items without a receipt. Quite often you do not even require a

reason to return the item. Sometimes the stores will accept the item for

return even if they do not sell it. You can act confused, or bluster

your way through. If your item is in good condition, you can make out

that it was a birthday present from Auntie Mavis or something. If it is

in rougher condition pretend that it doesnít work and ask for a

replacement, then return the replacement at another store.



Some people will even take items from the shelves of stores and return

them without even leaving the store. This is most commonly done with

computer software or perfume because of the low volume to pricetag ratio

of these items. However, this also means that they attract a lot of

attention from store security, and since this activity is illegal in

some places, it is advisable to check with your local laws. Strictly

speaking the merchandise is not stolen because it has not left the

store. All you are doing is instead of giving the money to the

salesperson and taking the merchandise, you are giving the merchandise

to the salesperson and taking the money. There is, however, probably a

case for false pretences in here somewhereÖ In any case, most people who

are apprehended in the store with ëstolení goods can in most cases be

only reprimanded and not charged because they have not left the store.

Do not shoplift!



(John Waters, the American film director, tells that when he was

younger, he would enter a clothing store wearing shorts and a t-shirt,

select an entire suit from the rack, put it on and then go to the

personnel department and apply for a job. Generally speaking, the store

people were too intimidated or confused by this display to apprehend him

as he left the store with the suit still on.)



A much safer alternative to this is to visit charitable stores such as

are often run by church groups and other benevolent societies. They

carry a large array of clothes and goods at ridiculously cheap prices,

mostly because the goods donít work or are horribly out of fashion.

Here, however, it is possible to often find electrical goods and other

items that are still carried in stores, purchase them cheap and replace

them for either cash or the new version of the same thing (which can

then be replaced for cash at another store). You get the added bonus of

feeling good because you have legitimately fleeced the retail giant

whilst assisting the benevolent society of your choice. In some

countries, this sort of activity is even tax deductible.



When returning goods such as these, you may encounter some resistance

from shop attendants. Always ask to see the fine print (in anything).

Ask to see a copy of the storeís returns policy. You will always find a

way to justify what you are doing in the returns policy. Ask to speak to

a more senior manager. If the manager tries to tell you that the store

has no returns policy, and that he/she cannot help you, simply argue

that since they have no returns policy, the manager is therefore not

constrained and may exercise their own judgement. It is ridiculous to

argue that you have no returns policy and therefore cannot return items!

Try bluffing that the item was bought within the last week or month (see

your local consumer protection ìcooling off periodî laws for the

relevant period) and from another branch. This is almost impossible to

verify immediately, and most countries protect consumers from sharks

that like to sell people things on emotion and then not allow them to be

returned when they realise that they are completely unneeded or

unsuitable for any purposes!



(If you encounter a store without a formal returns policy, by all means

lobby them with letters about how ridiculous it is to have no policy and

look how important it is and see that such-and-such store has one etc

etc. Address it to public relations and a few other people. You may be

able to pressure the store into hastily preparing a formal returns

policy which you can then take advantage of)



An aside to this is the ìunqualified special offerî syndrome. Sometimes

shops and restaurants make special offers or deals. Most of the time

these offers come with the proviso that ìthis offer cannot be used in

conjunction with any other special offers.î However, if you are lucky

enough to find one that does not carry this exception, then it is likely

that you will find more from the same retailer with the same problem.

This can be quite nice when you have dinner and get 50% off the meal

price AND a free bottle of wine. People are so accustomed to seeing this

restriction on their coupons that they assume that it is always there.

In actual fact it is often missing, probably more than you realise!



McDonalds and other large fast-food conglomerates that operate on a

turn-key franchising principle and employ large numbers of young

McClones are forced to institute global and binding customer service

principles that many people may not be aware of. In many countries,

people are simply not aware, for example, that McDonalds has a policy of

allowing free refills of any drinks. Ask for a large iced water, and you

can return and refill with the sugar-water of your choice! They have a

returns policy with regard to food that means that you can ask for

replacement of anything you eat. Try burning a little your burger pattie

with a cigarette lighter and asking for another one ìbecause this last

little bit that I left was burntî. If, like me, you do not want or

cannot handle the stinking fast food in large amounts, try this one.

Come into the store and say ìYesterday I came through the drive through

and ordered a McDisgusting Meal, but when I drove away, all I got in my

bag was a McPathetic Burger and McCoffee rings.î They will give you what

you ìorderedî yesterday without charge.



Remember at all times that you are dealing with other human beings.

These people should all realise that any notion that if they work in a

Department Store or a fast food outlet, one day they will own the store

is completely fanciful. Often these people have gone as far as they

possibly can go by the time they turn 17. Most of them are more

concerned with not losing their job than anything else. Therefore their

reaction to your actions will be, at worst, that they simply want to get

rid of you as fast and as courteously as possible. At best, you can make

some money and get fed (albeit only on junk foods!)



Once you have the money, what can you do with it?



Pranks

Pranks are probably the best form of social reengineering that exists.

Pranks can be malicious or michevious, but the aim should always be to

confuse thought in order to provoke insight. Some pranks are instant and

simple. Others take time and effort. Sometimes you can see the results

of your pranks, other times you can only imagine them.



Try these things sometimes. (I owe some of these ideas to the Re-Search

Magazineís ìPranksî Issue. All due acknowledgment goes to the Re-Search

team for a magnificent and re-educational experience!!)



Wrong Numbers

If you get a wrong number, donít waste the opportunity. You have an

obligation-free opportunity to change someoneís life and practice

valuable improvisation skills. EG:

Ring, Ring

You: hello

Caller: Oh. Hi. Is Fred there?

(quick thinking, this is the critical point. You must convince the

caller that they have called the right number, even though they suspect

that they have not.)

You: No, heís just gone out to the shops.

Caller: Oh. Well, is Barry there?

You: No, Barry went with Fred. Can I take a message?

Caller: Who is this, anyway?

You: Iím Fernando, just looking after the phone for Fred. He was

expecting a call.

Caller: Oh. Can you tell him Janice called, and get him to ring me back.



You: OK, Susan, what is your number then.

(you might get lucky here!!)

Caller: No, Iím Janice, not Susan, its 17263544

You: Oh! Janice! Gee, Iíll pass on the message, but I donít know if Fred

will call you. He was pretty upset just before over that episode last

week. Bye Bye. (Hang up)



Perhaps you can see the possibilities here.



Fish in the Banking and Postal Sector

A favorite of an irate banking customer is to open a safety deposit box

in the bank of your choice. Whenever you get poor service or other

frustrations, place a nice fresh fish in your box. Since the banks are

not allowed to open the safety deposit box of any person who is still

alive, things can get difficult.



A subtle form of intimidation is the old ìsardines posted by surface

mailî trick. The further away your victim lives, the better the surprise

when the package arrives. Just be sure not to put a return address on

your handiwork! Or better still, put the return address of another

adversary, just in case.



One artist mailed his trash to unsuspecting persons picked at random

from a phone book for a whole year. While this can get expensive, it is

an effective re-education experience. (Try not to mail out trash

containing letters, bills, bank statements etc that can be traced.)



(just for fun, try mailing something to the dead letter office, with

your return address on the back. This creates an ingenious paradox if

done properly. Some people write regularly to the dead letter office.)



Misdirection

When staying in hotels, write cryptic or distressing notes on the backs

of paintings hanging on the walls. Imply that you are being held by a

madman against your will. If your conscience permits, sign with the name

of a well know missing person from the area. Your message may not be

discovered for weeks or months, but it will be discovered eventually.



Take out a stall at a local market. Sell a food with an unpronounceable

name (Like Hueuglymyl) and sell it for a great price, preferably in

multiples (say, two for a dollar). It should look ethnic, and be very

very salty. Do not sell drinks. Watch people snap up the bargain and

then watch their faces as they try to eat this new delicacy. Most people

will eat both Hueuglymyls on principle, because they were such a

bargain. Stoopids!



At boring parties, start to discuss with one or two friends a

non-existent movie that ëjust came outí and stars so-and-so actors etc.

Talk about the best scenes. Get creative and use your imagination. See

if you can make anyone feel left out of the group because they havenít

seen this movie. If you are good, you might get people claiming to have

seen the movie. Change the plot. Anyone who has tried not watching TV

for more than a week at a time will be well aware just how much of our

social chit-chat these days revolves around ìdid you see this showî or

ìdid you watch that programî. People who waste time habitually watching

TV sitcoms about nothing and then waste more time reliving them with

workmates the next day deserve to be made uncomfortable.



If you live on a ìthrough roadî, put a big sign at one end saying ìHuge

Garage Saleî and pointing down the street. Put another sign at the other

end saying the same thing. Sit and watch the garage sale bargain hunters

drive up and down looking for the sale. If you are lucky, maybe they

will run over the next door neighbourís dog. In a similar act of

misdirection, stand around in the outdoor mall of your choice staring

meaningfully up into the sky. Try to aim in the direction of something

large and distant, like the top of an office building. After a few

seconds, maybe twenty or thirty people will be glancing or staring up

into the sky as they walk past. The momentum should be enough to carry

on like a chain reaction. You may be able to just stand back and watch.

Baaaa! (bloody sheep)



Put blank pieces of paper under the windscreen wipers of peoples cars in

shopping centres. They will look at it, turn it over, and then they will

check the paper on the car next door. It is like they want to be

marketed to! The added advantage of this ëpsyopí is that you can even do

it at centres that prohibit distribution of handbills. You can always

say that you are recycling! People will be so surprised that there is no

advertisement on their paper that they may even thank you. More likely,

they will think you are some sort of lunatic anarchist (they immediately

try to exclude you from their ëgroupí because you have alienated them

and made them feel uncomfortable.)



Various

Go to large weddings. Most large venues are booked out months or years

in advance, and large weddings almost always get notices in the

newspapers etc. It is not difficult to crash a large wedding and then

the reception afterwards. If there is assigned seating, be sure to leave

before dinner commences. However, you can still mingle, take some drinks

and food. Try very hard to get your photo taken with the bride and

groom. Quite often there is a line of people at the beginning of the

reception doing this. They wonít wonder who you are. By definition, half

the people at a wedding donít know the other half, and they are too

absorbed with the bride to ask.



Use colour. Max Luscher noted the psychological power of colour as early

as the 1940s. Put red dye in public toilets in the bowls. If you are

late in the toilets, you can put jelly crystals in the bowl for an early

morning surprise! Try to put them in the cistern as well. This may not

be a proper prank, but sometimes toilet humour is called for, or you may

be accused of being too serious.



Humans have an instinctive aversion to eating anything blue. Hold a

dinner party and put blue food colouring in everything. Your guests will

ëfill upí much quicker, and eat much less (this is an experiment that

Salvador Dali actually tried).



Happy Pranking



Rhiddler

mailto: rhiddler@mindless.com

mailto: zorg@biogate.com

(these email addresses are fluky, please mail to both if mailing to

either.)

Back to Reality cracking

homepage links anonymity +ORC students' essays academy database
tools cocktails javascripts wars antismut CGI-scripts search_forms mail_fravia+
Is reverse engineering legal?